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Responding to a tweet I posted last week, many women told me that their potential hookups and relationships ultimately became stagnant Instagram flirtations that didn’t seem likely to progress — just aimless faving and shallow DM interactions, if you’re lucky.For instance, Noor*, a writer in Canada, says she met her crush in person, but the relationship immediately migrated to Instagram — and then stayed there indefinitely.
It seems as though there are new people to meet and new potential dates with every step we take or double tap we make on our phones. Come on, guys — our generation really isn't all that creative.
Once you’ve demonstrated dateability, fuckability or whatever the case may be via your online aesthetic, a man can slide into your DMs with a winking face or a fire emoji when the mood strikes but never actually see you again in real life.
As for me, while writing this article, I was alerted that Nesi had faved my most recent Instagram selfie.
My personal Instagram is by no means a well-curated space.
It’s private, and it has an audience of fewer than 150 people—mostly close friends and trusted acquaintances.
“At one point we had to exchange numbers to talk about something work-related.
But even though we went through that step, it’s only Instagram DMs ALL THE TIME,” she says. No matter how much we talk or how deep it gets, it feels noncommittal.”If there’s an app capable of lowering the barrier to relationship entry even further, it’s Snapchat.
Selfie-faving aside, if there’s a hierarchy to digital relationships, Instagram ranks at the bottom, because it’s the easiest, least reciprocal form of communication.
“The IG is just for intro,” says Ibrahim, a 23-year-old from California. And finally, a number.”Mariam, a high school teacher in California, says she observes these rituals play out among her students every day: “Most of the youths start their relationships on Insta these days before moving to i Message.”In 2015, Tinder started allowing users to include their Instagram photos to their Tinder profile — a feature that implies Instagram functions as a better way to get to know someone than their Tinder profile.
When Nesi first approached me at a party a few weeks ago, I already knew how our interaction would proceed.
A few demographic markers made it obvious: He was young (25, I learned later); he was dressed in casual streetwear and wearing the kind of glasses that identified him as a member of the creative class (you know the ones); and he had a boyish confidence (which I found endearing).
After issuing a flattering compliment on my “good vibes,” he took out his phone and asked me the question I knew was coming: “What’s your Insta?